When Jaden was a baby we used to take him to the park a lot because, you know, parks have trees and babies like lying under trees. And I remember thinking ‘I can’t wait till he can do a little bit more than lie on a blanket under a tree.’
Of course once he could sit up by himself I looked forward to that time where he could actually move. Once he started moving and could climb on the equipment I couldn’t wait for the time where I wouldn’t have to hover one step behind him the whole time. And then when he reached that point … well you get the picture.
I am not sure whether it is human nature to constantly look ahead, or whether it is just my nature. But recently I caught myself at it again the other day. Looking forward to the time where baby Mia could do more than ‘just’ lie on her play mat, sit on a lap, or be carried in someone’s arms.
I can’t wait for her to start crawling. I can’t wait till we drop her afternoon nap. I can’t wait for her to have a favourite tv program.
I can’t wait for the moment when she’s not so darn dependent on me.
I don’t like being in this head space. While the PND may have a little to do with it, it’s also my nature to constantly look ahead. But we’re not having any more kids so this is it – my last chance to enjoy this unique stage of ‘newborn-ness’. Last chance to glory in the fact that I am currently the centre of this precious being’s world. The one who can silence her cries with a single cuddle. The one who can make her laugh just by saying ‘Ahhhhhhh boooooooo’. The one whose neck she nestles her head into when she’s tired and cranky.
I want to stop wishing all these moments away. To stop being so eager to move on to the next thing.
This is the point where ordinarily I would tell you what I have learned from all the reading I did yesterday on mindfulness and living in the moment. But then I came across a quote on Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits site and I figured that really, it said everything any of us need to know …
‘Today isn’t preparation for tomorrow.
Today is the main event.’
P.S. If my friend Nicky is reading this … you get a free pass to wish away as many moments as you like till the twins are one year old