It’s not cruel to be kind. Not. At. All.

You know what I love most about this world we live in? It’s all the different personalities in it.

If we were all the same, gosh this place would be boring! While I am all about diversity however, there is one personality trait I would love to see hardwired into all of us, and that is kindness. Kindness makes this world a better place without requiring anyone to drastically change their underlying personality.

I have been playing in the online world for near on 15 years now. Back in the day I used to moderate discussion forums, nowadays I blog, read blogs, frequent twitter and facebook and read many, many online publications. Back then, as now, unkindness in the form of personal attacks, throwaway comments and snide remarks have always made my heart ache. Everyone in this world – whether they are famous or infamous, winner or weekend warrior, man about town or girl next door – deserves kindness and respect.

Now I know one person can’t change the world, but stuff it, I am going to try anyway.

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    • says

      Deb how amazing is your post?! The beautiful thing is that your kids won’t need a kindness manifesto when they’re grown up because it will already be built in to them!

    • says

      I know EXACTLY what you mean :( I am most disheartened by anonymous commenters leaving horrible remarks on people’s blog posts. Just do not get it!

  1. says

    Yes! Yes, yes, yes. I love this. Being rude or “blunt” or condescending or nasty is just not cool at all. No matter how hurt you may feel or how much you might dislike someone, exercise kindness. I’ve recently decided that no matter what has happened or how close the relationship might be, people who are like that have no place in my life anymore because they don’t deserve it. I absolutely adore this.

    • says

      A few years ago I adopted the ‘kill them with kindness’ approach to a conflict situation. It’s amazing how differently people respond when they’re expecting a narky reaction and instead get a polite request/response!! Best of all, I stopped getting caught up in the negative energy of others!

      • says

        Exactly. That’s exactly how I’m choosing to handle things and I am much, much, much happier for it. If I come across someone I’ve had conflict with, be kind. But I definitely don’t seek to fix it and make it my issue anymore and I definitely do not get caught up in that energy anymore. it’s amazing how such a tiny attitude change can significantly impact your happiness!

        So excited to have stumbled past your blog. It’s lovely :-)

  2. lorraine corbitt says

    Hi Kelly

    Love your thoughts. You might like to have a look at Stephanie Dowrick website – I have her on my facebook wall and she posts some beautiful thoughts on a daily basis. She has written some great books and on your subject matter – one of her most recent ones is called ‘Everyday Kindness’ – I find her quite inspirational. She is also a minister and preaches at Interfaith churches. Anyway always love reading your blogs – am a real fan!

  3. says

    I adore this Kelly as it is just so true. It takes far more effort and though to be cruel than it does to be kind. Life is too short to waste your breath on saying awful things. It is not cool nor is it pretty to watch its just ugly through and through. I believe you make a difference hun, I think everyone can make a difference – one kind word at a time. xxx

    • says

      Thank you Son. And I agree – it actually takes a lot of effort to mean and nasty … and that makes it worse, that people are going to the effort to say horrible things!!

  4. Zohra says

    Kelly, lots of food for thought for me there. I’m not usually one to make comment, but I let one slip today. Have been feeling it all day.
    I like kill them with kindness, I’ll have to stick it up somewhere I can see it all the time! I deal with a lot of kids and their parents at our Sunday school, and this motto is so appropriate!
    Thanks Kelly!

    • says

      Ha Zohra – whenever I slip I feel SO dreadful for the rest of the day it is usually enough to prevent further slip ups for quite a while. Isn’t it funny how saying something narky can seem so satisfying – until it has been said, and can’t be taken back!

  5. says

    “one big dinner party with the queen” that is brilliant and will keep me smiling for a while me thinks :)

  6. says

    a manifesto for life me thinks. i imagine the world would be a much better place if everyone was kind just one more person a day, that’s all that it would take.


  7. says

    Lovely, Kelly. Kindness is one of my favourite words. I think for kindness starts with empathy. Mean people are usually broken people who have not been nourished with empathy from a young age. I believe it starts with our children. If we teach/model/show empathy we will get kindness.

  8. says

    Oh, I love this post! I got my first nasty comment today and it shocked the pants off me. I ended up just going ahead and deleting it. It accused me of being spoilt, rich (so not true) and lazy. The odd thing is that nothing on my blog would give people ammunition for such nastiness. Even if it did – horses for courses, you know? I read lots of blogs where people lead charmed lives from what is shown to us. The thing is that if that is there whole life, then lucky them, but usually people have a lot going on behind closed doors and I am not going to assume a thing. Trolls really do have far too much time on their hands. They should go funnel it into doing something like watching reality TV – it’s a far more fun and less damaging way of monumentally wasting time.

    • says

      Oh Hannah that is awful :(

      The worst thing is, with those kind of comments we feel like we should respond and tell them why they are wrong! But they are trolls, they don’t care about whether they are wrong or right, they just want to hurt people. So straight out deleting them and not responding at all is the best possible thing you can do I think!!

    • says

      Thank you so much Nikki. The most ironic thing about this post is last night a repeat offender (from my real world life!) had a crack at me on twitter and I SOOOOO wanted to have a crack back. And then I remembered this post and thought ‘let it go Kelly … she is clearly fighting a battle you know nothing about’!

      It’s easy to say “when people are unkind it is a reflection of THEM not you”. Harder to remember and live by ;)

  9. says

    Love it! If you wouldn’t put your name to it, or have your husband, mother, father, brother, sister or children read it, don’t write it! x

    • says

      That’s exactly it. I think if we filtered everything we said by “would I say this to my mum or dad or sister or brother or friend” … then there would be so much less unkindness in the world!

    • says

      Alexandra – it would be such an honour – please feel free to share the manifesto in the way the works best for you and your readers :) I am actually going to make it available as a free pdf download for anyone who wants to print it out. Let me know if you would like me to send you the link :)

  10. says

    What a fabulous manifesto – this is going straight above my computer. All too often, we find it easier to judge harshly instead of providing love and kindness and solace, and you just never know when those things may be desperately needed by others.

    • says

      Thank you Katy! Why are we humans hardwired to judge so harshly? Is it a survival mechanism?! Or something we’ve been socialised to do?! Something to ponder!

  11. says

    Hi Kelly

    I recently found your blog and, as I’m new to blogging, have found your blogging advice so so helpful; but I especially like this poster, it’s true. However, the part about dinner with the queen just cracks me up.

    Have a great day