A little while ago a clever friend of mine who has a correspondingly clever blog got called out on said blog for ‘just showing up’. A reader felt that her post that day wasn’t up to her usual standard and wondered whether she should have bothered at all.
Since that day I have pondered the concept of ‘showing up’ and whether it is ever ok to put anything but your very best work out into the wild. This week and last, I myself have been in the position where I know I am not doing my best work and I have wondered if I should just make my excuses and take a little hiatus.
I am sure people would understand if I explained that I am pregnant and thanks to my previous four pregnancies ending in miscarriage, I am a bit of a basket case. The last two weeks have been a dead set roller coaster but happily a 7 week scan last Friday revealed that, for now anyway, everything is ‘perfect’. The foetus is the right size, in the right place and has a little heartbeat. Nice.
But I am still hugely anxious about this pregnancy, second-guessing every little ‘weird’ signal that my body is giving me. Adding to this anxiety is the fact that my little one has been complaining randomly of pains in his legs and knees and yesterday I had to take him for a blood test to rule out anything sinister. The prospect of taking a three year old for a blood test meant the whole day was a complete write off but happily, J was an absolute champ and the blood test took all of 15 seconds. The next couple of days stretch interminably ahead though till we get the results. The chances of it being anything sinister are slim, but till that all clear comes through, I can think of little else.
As you can imagine, all this anxiety makes it very hard to concentrate on anything but my writing mojo in particular has deserted me. I know a lot of people would say here ‘for god’s sake woman, be kind to yourself, have a little break’. But really, I can’t. There is work that needs to be done, so I am going to do it. And I am going to have to live with the fact that while it’s not my very best work, it’s still ok.
With that in mind, I believe I have come up with the answer to ‘is it ever ok to just show up’ and that answer is ‘yes’.
Because the more consistent you are, the more you keep showing up, the smaller the gap between your very best and your very average work will become.
That’s what I am telling myself anyway
How do you deal with the anxious times – are you able to push through and just get the job done? Or do you feel it’s not worth doing anything less than your best?