Just when you think you’ve seen everything, you find out there is much more to see.
My first miscarriage was a bog standard early miscarriage. As fast as I found out I was pregnant (MUCH earlier after Jaden’s birth than I had planned) and had gotten my head around it, I lost it at 5 weeks.
My second miscarriage was ‘the phantom’. There was something in my uterus telling my body it was pregnant, but after much searching of said uterus and my fallopian tubes, no one could find anything. It took three weeks of blood tests and scans to find that little non-viable entity and ‘resolve’ the matter. 7 weeks.
My third miscarriage was fraught from the word go. At the first early scan the foetus wasn’t quite the right size for where I thought I was at. ‘Maybe you’ve got your dates wrong’ they said. ‘Nope, my dates are definitely not wrong’ I said. Then I started to bleed. I bled for four weeks and had a scan a week for four weeks before the inevitable finally happened and the little heartbeat disappeared. 10 weeks.
My fourth miscarriage probably hurt the most because everything was going along swimmingly. No bleeding, normal scans, morning sickness Off. The. Charts. Then, once again at 10 weeks, the heartbeat disappeared. Further investigations revealed the foetus had chromosomal abnormalities so at least that explained why a perfectly normal seeming pregnancy could just end so abruptly.
Given all this, when I got pregnant in July knowing we had a trip to New Zealand planned in September I thought the equation was pretty simple. By the time the trip came around I’d either still be pregnant or I’d have lost the baby. End of story. Given plane trips don’t kill 10 week old foetuses I couldn’t see what could possibly stop me getting on the flight.
Then I saw my obstetrician on Tuesday. He was supposed to do a bog standard ultrasound that goes a little bit like this: ‘yep baby looks great, enjoy your trip’. Instead I heard ‘well the baby is great, but see this here? This is blood in your uterus. I know what that is but I’ve not seen it before. You need to get a more detailed scan tomorrow.’ Fark.
The more detailed scan revealed significant sub-chorionic bleeding in the uterus. This isn’t necessarily harmful to the baby and I know others that have had it and have taken their babies to term and delivered them healthy. But what it did was introduce a new equation into the mix:
Sub-chorionic bleeding + history of miscarriage + history of haemorrhage
No NZ for Kelly
Cannot. Believe. It.
So here I am, grounded in Perth, feeling very sorry for myself and hoping the bleed either re-absorbs itself or comes out. Whichever is fine with me. In the meantime, if you need me, I am off being pragmatic somewhere:
New Zealand isn’t going anywhere.
It will be all worth it in the end.
Hey it gives me lots of alone time to work on my book.
And so on and so forth