Grounded in Perth

Just when you think you’ve seen everything, you find out there is much more to see.

My first miscarriage was a bog standard early miscarriage. As fast as I found out I was pregnant (MUCH earlier after Jaden’s birth than I had planned) and had gotten my head around it, I lost it at 5 weeks.

My second miscarriage was ‘the phantom’. There was something in my uterus telling my body it was pregnant, but after much searching of said uterus and my fallopian tubes, no one could find anything. It took three weeks of blood tests and scans to find that little non-viable entity and ‘resolve’ the matter. 7 weeks.

My third miscarriage was fraught from the word go. At the first early scan the foetus wasn’t quite the right size for where I thought I was at. ‘Maybe you’ve got your dates wrong’ they said. ‘Nope, my dates are definitely not wrong’ I said. Then I started to bleed. I bled for four weeks and had a scan a week for four weeks before the inevitable finally happened and the little heartbeat disappeared. 10 weeks.

My fourth miscarriage probably hurt the most because everything was going along swimmingly. No bleeding, normal scans, morning sickness Off. The. Charts. Then, once again at 10 weeks, the heartbeat disappeared. Further investigations revealed the foetus had chromosomal abnormalities so at least that explained why a perfectly normal seeming pregnancy could just end so abruptly.

Given all this, when I got pregnant in July knowing we had a trip to New Zealand planned in September I thought the equation was pretty simple. By the time the trip came around I’d either still be pregnant or I’d have lost the baby. End of story. Given plane trips don’t kill 10 week old foetuses I couldn’t see what could possibly stop me getting on the flight.

Then I saw my obstetrician on Tuesday. He was supposed to do a bog standard ultrasound that goes a little bit like this: ‘yep baby looks great, enjoy your trip’. Instead I heard ‘well the baby is great, but see this here? This is blood in your uterus. I know what that is but I’ve not seen it before. You need to get a more detailed scan tomorrow.’ Fark.

The more detailed scan revealed significant sub-chorionic bleeding in the uterus. This isn’t necessarily harmful to the baby and I know others that have had it and have taken their babies to term and delivered them healthy. But what it did was introduce a new equation into the mix:

Sub-chorionic bleeding + history of miscarriage + history of haemorrhage
=
No NZ for Kelly

Cannot. Believe. It.

So here I am, grounded in Perth, feeling very sorry for myself and hoping the bleed either re-absorbs itself or comes out. Whichever is fine with me. In the meantime, if you need me, I am off being pragmatic somewhere:

New Zealand isn’t going anywhere.

It will be all worth it in the end.

Hey it gives me lots of alone time to work on my book.

And so on and so forth :)

Comments

  1. says

    Kelly, my story is very similar. Miscarriage and bleeding through two subsequent pregnancies. They could see a ‘crater’ filled with blood where CrashGirl had burrowed in. CrashGirl from the very beginning ;)
    You’re doing the right thing. I travelled to NZ when pregnant with CrashBoy and ended up in hospital with the bleeding thing all over again. Was so worried and felt really guilty for travelling. You’re better off right where you are :), and yes, NZ isn’t going anywhere!

    • says

      Thanks Laney. Part of me thinks ‘it’s not like NZ is a third world country … I am sure their care is as good as anything I can get in Perth’. But given this our last shot at having #2, it would be really stupid to get on a plane. Especially as my obstetrician specifically forbade it. And I guess I would never forgive myself if I lost the baby over there. I would always wonder ‘what if’?

  2. says

    Oh Kel, as hard as it must be for you, you are SO doing the right thing now. I know, doesn’t make you feel better, but in the long run, you know…….
    Am, thinking of you lots right now, wish I could make some chicken soup for you, but a big virtual hug will have to do xx

  3. Dianne Penman says

    Darling Kelly,
    No platitudes here… Just know you are being wrapped with lots of love and hugs – can you feel them yet….
    We’ve never met personally, but when you open your heart, as you do, you are bound to be looked after by thoughts and prayers of the faceless people whose lives you touch in some way…
    Keep safe and positive,
    Di x

  4. says

    There is no whinging tone here at all. What I read is amazing strength and positiveness in the face of a known but silent challenger!

    Agree – NZ will always be there but your body needs to be here (Perth!) Rest up and fingers (and all other digits) crossed.

    Leanne

    • says

      Aw thank you Leanne – such a perfect way to describe it – a known but silent challenger indeed.

      And I could think of lots of worse places in the world to be ground than our lovely home town :)

  5. says

    Kelly, it’s so heartbreaking to read of your history of miscarriages – each one so sad. And now, I’m sending off all my prayers for you – hoping this little life is staying and thriving. Yes, it will all be worth it in the end. Lots of love. xxx

    • says

      And they were all so different as you can see! My poor ob and specialist – no chance of pinning the reason for them on anything than an awful lot of bad luck. Here’s hoping the bad luck endeth here :)

  6. Rach aka Stinkbomb says

    Meh, New Zealand will always be there. I think the consolation prize for NOT going to NZ is pretty damn awesome tho no?

    Xxxx

  7. says

    Womaaaaaannnnnn , your preggggers ???? Ppppfttt to NZ ! Get cable , watch Nat geography and turn on the air con … Just … Like … NZ. !!!! Seriously though , sending lovely grow baby vibes coupled with bugger off blood thingy xxxxxx

  8. Kylie says

    Firstly, congrats on your pregnancy and reaching 10 weeks. Sending you big healthy full-term baby vibes :)
    I had sub-chorionic bleeding with my 3rd baby, I ended up in the emergency room which is where I found out what the bleeding was. I was 8 weeks at the time and I bled (spotting) on & off for a few weeks, but I just took things easy until after the 1st trimester and delivered a healthy 41+3 (yep, 10 days overdue) baby girl who is now a very active toddler :)

  9. says

    If you need someone to eat breakfast with, I’m here. Not going anywhere. I love your positive outlook hun, I cannot imagine how you are feeling. Big hugs and if you need to get out text me!

    So sorry you missed out on your long awaited trip. xo

  10. Sarah says

    I traveled to Singapore when I was 7 weeks with my second pregnancy. I had some spotting on the day before my flight, nothing to write home about. I spent the first 4 days shopping up a storm. On the 5th day I had a miscarriage and spent the next two days in bed. I was 8 weeks pregnant. And although I’ve since had another two indecent free pregnancies I still feel guilty for getting on that flight (regardless even if the outcome was the same had I stayed put). So I say what Rach aka Stinkbomb says: New Zealand will always be there. The consolation prize for NOT going to NZ is pretty damn awesome. xxx

    • says

      Aw Sarah that sucks. It probably would have happened anyway but as you say, there is always that doubt in your mind. So I definitely agree – the consolation prize is definitely worth a staycation!

  11. says

    Fingers and toes crossed for you sweet pea, as for NZ.. Just re book to take peanut there next year.. Big hugs and the warmest of virtual cuddles x

  12. Lee says

    Wishing you good, good vibes Kelly. NZ will always be there and you can re-book for next year with a larger posse. I had an extremely large sub-chorionic bleed (the largest my specialist had seen) and ended up under the care of Craig Pennell. He was amazing and with loads of rest I had a very, very healthy baby girl at 38 weeks by planned c-section (she was transverse just to top things off!) Take care of yourself – rest, rest, rest and do everything your Dr recommends you do. My email is here if you want to get in touch to hear a good news story :)

  13. says

    It is a glass-half FULL situation and if our love, hope and support manifests as a slow trickle that cup will be full in about seven months.

    xxA

  14. says

    You are amazing. I adore your attitude. So inspiring. Hoping and praying all goes well for this time. Worth the sacrifice I say. Feet up, head in a book, take yourself away in your imagination and know you are loved. N x

    • says

      Aw thanks N. I think my positivity will be tested tomorrow when I farewell my boys and send them off to NZ!!! But I will continue to give it a red hot go!!

  15. says

    Goodness Kelly you have been through a lot. But I’m glad baby is doing well and hope things continue so. Amazingly strong decision and attitude, but there will be other opportunities I’m sure and may I suggest you plan a trip to NZ in summer when its a balmy 21 degrees LOL
    Take care, sending you much love and positivity. xx