It appears I have experienced my first epic fail since entering the brave new world of “one change at a time”. Apparently I am not cut out for meditation.
For one reason or another, I have had any number of people recommend meditation to me. Clearly a lot of people out there think I need to relax and clearly they think meditation is the best way for me to achieve this ‘relaxed’ state!
Thus it was with some (quite unrelaxed) fervour that I emailed the lovely Kathy from My Diamond Days last month. Mamamia had just run an article about meditation and My Diamond Days was offering some lucky readers the chance to try out their 10 minute daily meditations for a month. “Pick me! Pick me!” I begged. Happily Kathy decided to pick everyone who put their hand up and it was with no little anticipation that I waited for February 1st to arrive!
The first two days passed without a hitch – I set aside time to do the meditations and they were pretty cruisey and easy. Did I feel amazing or relaxed afterwards? Well strangely, no I did not. I actually felt a little anxious!
I missed the next few days for various reasons and then tried again the following week. I tried meditating first thing in the morning, first thing after Jaden and Ant had left for daycare/work, first thing after lunch, last thing in the afternoon and last thing for heading up to bed.
Each and every time was the same. I would be a little anxious and even resentful at having to set aside a clear space of ‘mind time’ in my day. Then the meditation would start and I would slip into ‘meditation mode’ quite quickly. But 5 minutes into it I would be thinking “is that 10 minutes yet? Surely 10 minutes is up. God, why can’t I just relax?!”
By the end of the 10 minutes I would be more agitated than when I started!
Clearly, this is not the fault of meditation OR the wonderful program My Diamond Days has put together. CLEARLY I am going wrong somewhere – and I am guessing it is because I simply cannot do ‘nothing’ – not even for 10 minutes!
So tell me, do you meditate? What does it do for you? How does it make you feel? And most importantly … where am I going wrong?!