Just over 18 months ago I walked away from my business and left it in my husband’s hands.
At the time I was so burnt out I didn’t care who was in charge of things as long as it wasn’t me. I was also humouring my hubby. I thought it would take about six months for him to work out that running a busy design business with 3.5 staff, two contractors and over 200 active clients was too much hard work. I figured by the end of the year we’d either be selling the business or winding it up.
You can see what’s coming can’t you? In my absence the business started to thrive.
Um … awkward!
After about a year I finally became un-burnt out. And I started coming back into the office.
And that’s when we started to fight. A lot. And I started to think oh my god, we’re going to have to sell our (now) very profitable business just to save our marriage!
Luckily I decided to try out these marriage saving tips about working with one’s husband before taking THAT drastic step!
1. Who’s the boss
So I knew I wasn’t the boss when I went back in the office. But I was still kind of the boss right? After all I had built the business doing things my way. So it was perfectly valid for me to express concerns about things that weren’t being done my way. Right?
Erm – wrong. Doing things my way certainly helped build the business. But ‘my way’ was also the reason I got so burnt out and found myself running a business rapidly approaching ‘unviable’. So when I came back to the office I had to understand that Ant (husband) was the boss and we were now doing things his way.
2. Save the power struggles for home
The problem was, it took a while for me to understand the above. And there was a lot I didn’t like. And quite often I would raise my concerns at the office, in front of our staff. This made things uncomfortable for well, everyone.
I had to learn to bite my tongue, trust in Ant’s methods and if I still had concerns, then they were to be raised at home – not in office. And certainly not in front of the staff!
3. The rules are the same for you as for everyone else
The major thing that Ant (logical and analytical mind) brought to the business that I (big-picture, creative mind) couldn’t, was a set of systems. And I really struggled to fall in line with these new systems when I came back. I also didn’t feel I needed to fall in with anything because I figured I was above the rules.
But of course no-one in an organisation is above the rules. And when one person tries to operate above the rules it is hugely de-stabilising. And when it is your husband who has created the rules and you try to flaunt them because that’s what wives do, then your husband is probably going to get a bit … annoyed with you.
4. Stick to what you do best
Generally speaking, if you’re married to someone, you have complementary personalities. In other words, you’re good at different things. And if this is good for a marriage, it’s bloody brilliant for a business – so long as each person sticks to what they do best.
It has become abundantly clear to me that Ant is very well suited to the operational side of a business. Not only is he good at it, he likes doing it. Where I get exhausted from too much human interaction, he likes the challenge of managing staff and clients, dealing with figures and creating systems.
Conversely, Ant has zero interest in social media and blogging and everything that goes hand-in-hand with marketing and positioning a business these days. Naturally, this is where I come in as I love all that stuff.
So having both of us doing what we do best is very good for business.
And setting the above boundaries when it comes to our business is very good for our relationship!
Do you work with your husband or partner? How does it work for you?
All true! And it gets much messier when you’re in a supplier/client relationship. Especially when the roles are reversed to what you’d usually play. Aaaargh!
Glad it’s working out for you both now.
Emily recently blogged: Kids have no appropriateness metre
Oh my goodness Em! I reckon a client/supplier relationship would be VERY awkward indeed!!!
Kelly Exeter recently blogged: 4 tips for working with your husband that will save your marriage
I’m sure I could work with my hubby if I needed to.
I agree with your point about complementing one another. In our house I am the clean freak whereas he is the neat freak. He has a strong eye for detail and systems – which is evident in the way that he organises the cupboards and fridge, always puts the keys back in the same bowl and sometimes re-stacks the dishwasher after me (seriously!). Bascially, he is fabulous at fixing up my messes while I concentrate on the um ‘big picture’.
Thoughtful post as always Kel.
kirri recently blogged: Why would you want to know your core values?
Ha haa – this sounds very familiar Kirri!
Kelly Exeter recently blogged: 4 tips for working with your husband that will save your marriage
well we worked together for quite some time – in our cafe … I was front of house, he back of house, I was marketing pr guru, he was Mr FIXIT, we were sure of our roles and it mostly worked … we still had the odd boarder dispute … usually at about 9.05pm on a Friday night with a full house
hee hee le
Le BHCH recently blogged: Country Rules … Hospitable
‘Border dispute’!!! I love it. We had one of those recently!
Kelly Exeter recently blogged: 4 tips for working with your husband that will save your marriage
I met my husband at work. It did not go swimmingly to begin with and I eventually had to move onto another company which fortunately ended up being a blessing in disguise. The only tip I have is NEVER eavesdrop on their telephone calls because you will misunderstand entire conversations and possibly go into a jealous rage
Carli recently blogged: Post camping glow
Ba ha haaa haaaaaa Carli!!!
Kelly Exeter recently blogged: 4 tips for working with your husband that will save your marriage
Hi Kel,
Many moons ago Bernard was appointed as a principal of a 2 teacher school in outback NSW & I was the teacher. He was a teaching principal. We are indeed opposites! The first few months of working together were not wonderful. 24/7 in a bush environment & nothing else but home & school – only 2 buildings other than a general store, a tennis court & the airstrip & an Aboriginal camp. The school had around 25 kids – including our school aged daughter (one of five non-aboriginal kids) & Bernard & I team taught. Nah, more like team FOUGHT! I am an A-type personality & do things quickly & usually well. He is not. He is methodical & he had only ever been a one teacher school person till then!! He had no idea how to treat staff! MOI!
But like most things we eventually worked it out – like you and Ant- strengths &’talents. We made up roles that suited us & even though he was “the boss” and I needed to know what to do when he was away, we made a good team. However, it was a tough posting due to its isolation & I was glad to move back to city work. Not where he taught. 42 years we have been together & I still can’t work with him on some issues! However, I have learnt to walk away. & go on line or go to the shops! Love your work! I look at the grandparents manifestos each day &’think of you! D xxxx
Denyse Whelan recently blogged: Do Schools Close When It’s 45deg. C?
Oh my goodness Denyse – that would have been hard!! But I am sure very educational for your husband
Kelly Exeter recently blogged: 4 tips for working with your husband that will save your marriage
Oh boy. My husband and I do not work at all well together – he is an Aries team leader/teacher type, and I am a Taurus who likes to set my own pace (slow) and who has a problem with authoritarian males. Ha! We do actually use a lot of your ideas – we have areas of power where we are the boss. We are happy to help each other with specific projects, as long as correct respect is shown
, we work to our strengths (I do inside stuff, he does outside stuff). It would be better if we were able to not have disagreements about the way we do things in front of the kids, but hey. A work in progress!
Sara recently blogged: Thinking outside the square.
Ba ha ha ha haaaaa – my hubby is an ex-teacher and I too have a problem with authoritarian people!!
Kelly Exeter recently blogged: Is this a good time to start a writing career?